


You're Flawed But I Still You

by pandakyut



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crying Bokuto Koutarou, How Do I Tag, Insecure Bokuto Koutarou, M/M, One Shot, Sad Bokuto Koutarou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:46:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29374818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandakyut/pseuds/pandakyut
Summary: Years had gone by but Bokuto is still insecured.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	You're Flawed But I Still You

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing a fanfic so please be kind. Also, English is not my first language so please tell me if I have any errors so that I can edit or rephrase it:). I hope you enjoy reading. Ily.

Whenever Bokuto stared at the mirror he can't help but notice the imperfections he had on his body. His fat thigh, the stretch marks on his hip, his chubby cheeks, his fat stomach and his bruises that didn't fade all over his body. In short he isn't satisfied with his body having too much imperfections. 

He envy people that don't have any imperfections in their body. He envy people like Suga, Oikawa, Sakusa and even his best friend Akaashi for having a perfect body that isn't flawed unlike his fat and ugly body.

Why does life is so unfair? He did things to achieve a body that have no imperfections but still end up like this. Flawed and can't be change. 

He was bullied in Elementary for being skinny but when he is already on Middle School he still get bullied for gaining weight? They said that he was too fat and was outcasted by his classmates. 

He was too shy and don't have confidence to retort back at them. They didn't want to be friends with him and just ignored him for the whole school year. Sometimes, they talk too loud purposely just for Bokuto to hear them insulting him of his appearance.

In his second year, he gained two friends that accept him and doesn't mind of his appearance but still, the bullying doesn't stop. 

He's happy that he had friends that he could trust but he couldn't stop being insecure because he still had the fat and stretch marks on his body. 

He tried all the methods to remove the fats and stretch marks on his body but instead he gain some muscles and the stretch marks doesn't even fade.

Years had past and now in High School he still had the insecurities he had on his Elementary and Middle School days.

Now that he is on High School the bullying had already lessen and but the bullying is still there but it doesn't bother him anymore because he had accepted already that it was all true and can't be changed.

He fully embrace the bullying and insecurities he had on his flawed body. 

Everyday, when he woke up and look at the mirror he just said to his reflection "You look pathetic. Years had already gone by and yet, you still look disgustingly ugly with those stretch marks and bruises on your fat body"

He can't help but feel insecure everyday but he just pretend that everything's fine. He just hide his insecurities with his enthusiasm for volleyball.

In his second year he met Akaashi. Akaashi is the best thing that had happened on his life.

His first impression of Akaashi is he look perfect. Blessed with perfectly unflawed skin and perfect face. 

Akaashi is a straightforward and an interesting person that Bokuto met. His face looks like he is sent by the God to the Earth and has a mission to blessed people with his perfect looks.

Bokuto was at loved at first sight with Akaashi. 

Each day Bokuto love Akaashi even more because even if he is annoying Akaashi with random rants he doesn't raise his voice or look irritate at him instead he listen to him willingly and say something he have in his thought to Bokuto.

When Bokuto become moody and sad, Akaashi is there for him to comfort him and said things that will make him happy. Akaashi know Bokuto's likes and dislikes even though they just get to know each for months.

He doesn't mind other people's opinion of him. He only mind Akaashi's.

He only need Akaashi and no one else.

Because of Akaashi he had ignored his insecurities he had.

In his 3rd year of High School and also the last. He is planning to confess his undying love to Akaashi but he choose not to because the insecurities for his body is resurfacing and it's getting bigger and bigger each day.

"What if Akaashi doesn't love me like I do to him because of this ugly body of mine?"

"What if Akaashi doesn't talk to me if I confess to him?"

"What if he leave like everybody else have done to me because of these?"

These are some thoughts that are running on Bokuto's head.

He keep all the insecurities to himself and when the night comes he cry until he fall asleep with his insecurities.

Bokuto even considered to tell his insecurities to his best friend and the love of his life Akaashi but he choose not to and just keep it to himself because he thinks that once he tell Akaashi his insecurities he will leave him forever.

He choose to stay silent.

His insecurities keeps increasing that at one point he can't handle it and it is affecting him and the way he plays volleyball.

He is now always moody and mad every hour that even his friends don't know how to comfort him because they doesn't know what it cause him to be this moody and mad.

'Of course they doesn't know. I'm stupid for being this weak that my insecurities is affecting me' Bokuto says to himself.

One day, he choose not to attend volleyball practice because he wants his alone time and remind his self that Akaashi will never look at him the way he looks at him because of his ugly body that are full of insecurities.

When he arrived at his home. He goes straight to his room and lay down to his bed.

He hug his little owl stuffed he had since he was a kid. Aside from Akaashi, this little owl stuffed make him calm and feel comfortable.

His owl stuffed is the only one who knows his insecurities about himself because when insecurities hits, he just cry while hugging it and pour his insecurities to it until he just fall asleep while crying.

Bokuto stand up and went to his wall mirror and stared at himself. 

While looking at his reflection he remove his shirt and touch his chubby stomach. 

"You look like a fat pig"

After looking his stomach, he move his shorts a little down to see his stretch marks on his hips and thighs.

He touch them all and trace them with his finger.

"They look disgusting"

He bring his hands to his face and slowly tracing his lips, his eyebrows, his nose, his cheeks and his hair.

"You look ridiculous and ugly"

He is too focused on his self that he didn't hear Akaashi opening the door to his room and have been listening insulting his self in the mirror.

"Bokuto-san" 

Bokuto whipped his head to his door and Akaashi is there holding the doorlock and looking at him.

Bokuto panicked.

He don't want Akaashi to know the things he have been hiding. He don't want Akaashi to look at his filthy and ugly body.

Akaashi step in to his room.

Bokuto did the thing he have on his mind while panicking.

He walk towards Akaashi and hold his shoulder to push him outside because he don't want Akaashi to look at him any longer.

"Akaashi you shouldn't be here. You should leave. I don't want you to see me like this" Bokuto said while pushing Akaashi outside his room.

Before he can push Akaashi outside of his room Akaashi manage to remove his hands that is on Akaashi's shoulder.

Akaashi turn his self and face Bokuto. He grabs Bokuto's hands and pull him to the bed. He make Bokuto sit on the bed. 

He hold Bokuto's cheek and slowly caress it while staring at Bokuto's lovely pair of eyes.

"Bokuto-san"

"Akaashi"

Minutes have past but they just silently look at each other eyes while Akaashi is still caressing Bokuto's cheek.

Akaashi broke the silence by saying:

"Bokuto-san you can tell me anything and I won't judge you for that"

Bokuto's tears manage to slip at his eyes when Akaashi said the line to him.

"B-but Akaashi I-i can't. You'll leave me if I do" Bokuto said while tears keep pouring at his eyes.

"Bokuto-san please don't cry. I promise that I won't leave you if you tell me what's wrong" Akaashi said while wiping the Bokuto's tears.

"But Akaashi-" 

"Shhh Bokuto-san, don't you trust me?"

Bokuto keep silent at Akaashi's questions.

"Bokuto-san?"

"I trust you Akaashi"

"So trust me that I won't judge and leave you if you told me what's bothering you. I promise that you can rely on me Bokuto-san" Akaashi said while wiping the last tear drop on Bokuto's face.

Bokuto grab Akaashi's waist and hug him while burying his face on Akaashi's stomach.

Akaashi slowly stroke Bokuto's hair to atleast calm him down. He patiently waited Bokuto to start talking.

"Akaashi"

"Hmm Bokuto-san?"

Bokuto slowly gathered his courage to slowly pour all his insecurities to Akaashi.

"You know that I love bolleyball right Akaashi?"

Akaashi just hummed as a yes to Bokuto's question while still stroking Bokuto's hair.

"You also know that I'm the best at volleyball right?"

Akaashi didn't respond and just keep listening to Bokuto.

Bokuto remove his face at Akaashi's stomach and position his self to lay down at Akaashi's lap.

"B-but even though I'm the best I-i can't be perfect. I want to be perfect Akaashi. I want to be the best of the best so that you can be proud at me" Bokuto said while staring at Akaashi.

"Bokuto-san you don't need to be perfect for me to be proud of you because I'm already proud" Akaashi said to Bokuto.

" But Akaashi look at me" Bokuto said while pointing at his face down to his feet. "I'm full of flaws. People like me doesn't deserve to be proud of. I look fat and even have stretch marks. People leave me because of these and I know you will too"

"Bokuto-san I-"

Bokuto cut off Akaashi mid-sentence. Bokuto sit up and hold Akaashi's shoulders and look at him and said;

"I love you Akaashi. I love you ever since you joined the Volleyball club. I love you because even though I'm annoying and loud you choose to stay at me. I love you choose to me be your friend. I have hundreds, thousands and infinity reasons to why I love you Akaashi. I love you but you deserve better than me" Bokuto said while tears starts to fall from his eyes.

Bokuto gently smile and remove his hands at Akaashi's shoulder.

"So go find a better person for you Akaashi other than me who is an emotionally wrecked and full of insecurities and flaws"

Akaashi sighed.

Akaashi stand up and leave Bokuto's bed.

"Is that what you want me to do Bokuto-san?" Akaashi asked.

Bokuto didn't answer.

Akaashi walked until he is infront of the door.

"You said that I should find a better person" Akaashi locked the door before looking at Bokuto. "But I already find the person Bokuto-san. He's not a better person but he's the best"

"What do you mean Akaashi?" Bokuto asked because he is confused. 

'When did Akaashi found him?'

'And why is Akaashi walking towards him? I thought he is already leaving him? So why?'

When Akaashi is already infront of Bokuto he cupped his cheeks and look at him straight to his eyes and said;

"I love you Bokuto-san and you are the best person that I met" Akaashi said and kiss Bokuto's pointy nose.

Bokuto is shock and don't know what to react.

"Ehh? B-but why? Why me Akaashi?" Bokuto said and refusing to believe to what Akaashi said to him.

"Bokuto-san look at me" Akaashi hold Bokuto's face so that Bokuto's attention is on him. 

"Bokuto-san please don't doubt my love for you because what I said to you is only the truth. I don't have as much infinity reasons to why I love you but there is one reason to why I love you" 

Akaashi paused to gain courage to what he is about to say to Bokuto.

"I love you because you are you. I don't care if you have flaws because all people have flaws. You look fat? Please people envy you because of your body. Have you look at your thighs? They look perfect. You have sretch marks? So what? I love them. They look lovely on you Bokuto-san. Please don't say you are ugly because you look pretty and handsome my cute owl. Don't compare me to the people leaving you because of these, because no matter what happens I still love you. Even if you got more stretch marks, bruises, or gain more weight I wouldn't stop loving you. I'm gonna find a better person because you are already here. The best person in the whole world. So please stop doubting yourself. Love yourself more and start being confident because I'll be with you to guide and love you Bokuto-san"

"Aggaasheee" 

Bokuto hug Akaashi tightly and starts crying.

Akaashi just hug back and starts to caress Bokuto's back to help him to calm down and lessen his crying.

"You're flawed but I still love you" Akaashi whispered to Bokuto.

Akaashi remove Bokuto who is hugging him and move him so that Bokuto is laying down the bed. He also lay down beside him and hug him.

"Sleep Bokuto-san. Let's talk again tomorrow"

Bokuto shift his position so that he can hug back Akaashi in his sleep. He buried his face at Akaashi's.

"Ok. I love you Akaashi" Bokuto murmured.

"I love you too Bokuto-san. Sleep well my cute little owl." Akaashi said and kiss Bokuto's forehead.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are appreciated:). Tell me your opinion about this fic. I'm sorry if the story is confusing I'll try to be better. This fanfic is based on myself and insecurities:). I just want to express myself through writing that's why I wrote this. My insecurities and stress for school is the reason why I wrote this. I'm happy because this is the first time I finish a story I that wrote. Tell me your thoughts about this story in the comment please. Thank you!


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